In loving memory…
Peacefully and surrounded by her only loved one, Skeletaurus passed away Friday, April 4, 2014 at 13 years old. She died of auto-asphyxiation*–billowing smoke through her hood just as she pulled into her driveway after a trip to Costco. This was a perfect testament to her strength and dedication, and how she instinctively knew the driver couldn’t get through the week without a Costco-sized jar of pickles. Born in 2001 and adopted at age 3, she is survived by her owner (daddy’s wallet) and more importantly, her best friend, the driver, Lauren, the VERY single girl. She will be the VERY missed.
*Is that an awesome pun or what?!
As a form of eulogy, please take a moment and reminisce in the good times Skeletaurus and Lauren shared. As you read the stories below, enjoy this musical montage in the background as a tribute to Skeletaurus and Lauren’s love and devotion despite their many trials and tribulations (just picture Lauren’s face on Barbara Streisand’s body, and Robert Redford as a silver 2001 Ford Taurus). .
The story of her name
The time she left her ass hanging open
The time she gave me gas problems
The time she was victim to a note bomb
Skeletaurus will be laid to rest by whatever charity Lauren arranges to tow her for free in the next couple of days.
Please seek comfort in the fact that, technically, Skeletaurus is not dead, because she will live on in our hearts and minds, and because she’s actually still running and really not dead. But who wants to fix a smoke problem?
And remember, technically, Skeletaurus cannot truly be replaced. Except that she can… because Lauren already bought a new car.
Please leave your expressions of sympathy in the form of an online condolence in the comments below. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.