theVERYsingle housekeeping…


To: My most esteemed and obviously vastly intelligent readers
From: Lauren aka theVERYsinglegirl
Date: Wednesday, July 18, 2012.
RE: Comment Conundrum

In case you haven’t noticed, I can be a bit neurotic (no, no, stop it, stop it, it’s true), though I prefer the term “quirky” (sounds less like a scientific diagnosis). I tend to overthink things and care about the tiniest little details when meanwhile, no sane person even notices. I think you also call that self-centred. For example, I refuse to wear the same thing to work in the same week, even if it’s Monday and Friday, because I think people will notice. But ask me if I notice what other people wear? Nope. Self-centred.

So I naturally feel like people might care about or notice what I’m about to address in this post. You probably don’t. You’re probably thinking, “Quit talking to me and get to the poop stories!” Dance, monkey, dance.

First of all, I just want to say a big THANK YOU to everyone who is reading. Even if you stumbled across my blog accidentally…

Phrases People Typed into Search Engines that Led to My Blog:

– vancouver crack whores 2012

– postman screwing

– ben mulroney

– people who should be shot

– will changing tag inside mailbox make postman mad?

Yup. So I know some of you are here by accident. A happy accident, I hope! Though sorry I don’t know more about postmen and crack whores (of 2012. I’m all over crack whores of 2011).

But seriously, those of you who are here and keep returning on purpose, I’m very grateful. Awwwwwww, shucks!

So here’s the part that you probably don’t care about, but, since I’m crazy, I’m going to address it anyway.

It’s so cool that people take the time to comment on my posts. At first, I wasn’t sure if I should respond to each and every comment, so I did it sporadically. I was scared that I would seem (again, thinking that people notice or care) over-eager or like I was trying too hard if I took the time to acknowledge every comment–like I was desperate to please or make a friend or trap you into a conversational battle of wits or something.

Well, I wish I didn’t over think it. These people took the time to comment–I should have taken the time to respond each time without hesitation (the TV’s not going anywhere). And now that I’ve been sucked deeper into the blogosphere, I see the blogs I’ve been reading are littered with blogger to commenter responses and copious battles of wit. It’s apparently part of the culture in this vast and mysterious place. Huh!

I have always been one to say that online etiquette is equivalent to in-person etiquette: I bitch when I write on someone’s Facebook wall and they don’t respond back; I bitch when people plan and talk in detail about super fun get-togethers over the newsfeed for the world to see when not everyone is invited; and I especially bitch when people delete people from Facebook. Really, are you that busy and important? Do you honestly have too many friends?

That being said, I feel in the interest of full disclosure I should tell you I have deleted people from Facebook in my life: One was a skank who wronged a dear homegirl of mine (a curb stomp was actually what she deserved, but my Facebook delete will have to suffice. I like to think it’s just as painful). Another was a crush who blew me off (he’s clearly deranged). No one needs to be reminded of such things. You have to wrong me or someone in my crew pretty badly for me to delete you as a friend because, let’s face it, I’m in no position to be turning away friends!

So deleting a person who deserves it–that’s ok. Passive aggression is my bag, baby. Deleting someone because you’ve lost touch or you’re sick of seeing pictures of their baby or their Instagram photos of food and/or cats–that’s not ok. You enter into a social contract when you accept a friend request. With so many options within the privacy settings to block or remove a person’s posts from your newsfeed, why would you need to delete them? You can ignore them and they won’t even know! Ignorance is bliss!

Also, if you delete them, they always find out because of the vicious “People you may know” section that suggests friends for you. “Wait a minute…I thought they were my friend already!” Not anymore, loser.

Can you tell I’ve been a victim of unwarranted deletions? These people are dead to me. I may already forget who they are because we were never close and never spoke to each other beyond that time we met at a party, but they are dead to me.

So what I’m trying to say from this bitter little tangent is that I’m a big believer that what you do online should reflect what you do in person (ok, not ALL things…or the world would be a pretty smutty place…from what I’ve heard, that is). I see internet/social media/cell phones/etc as merely a vessel, and it’s people’s actions and intentions that steer it (poetic, no?). The “glitch” excuse doesn’t work anymore (unless you have a Windows Phone, like me). A person sending you a message and you not responding is equivalent to someone asking you a question and instead of answering, you just spin on your heel and walk away. Maybe you spit at them too.

So, bottom line, I hope that my early commenters aren’t as hyper-sensitive to internet faux pas’ as I am and offended that I didn’t always respond. I was just being stupid and self-conscious. I’m sorry! I did eventually respond to some of them recently when it occurred to me that I might be perceived as being rude, but then I realized that commenting a month later when I’d clearly not been out at sea looked even stupider (“perceived”, “looked”…God, I’m vain).

Also, when I gave the blog a facelift, I changed some of my pages to posts (Fun with Knives!, Line Etiquette – Learn It!, Don’t Anger the Salad Gods, Valentine’s Day Surprise, This Happened, Mucking, The Mysterious Laundry Room, Who is…a condescending prick, Alex?). When I did this, the comments and likes weren’t imported. A plastic surgery horror story! A botched boob job! Bruce Jenner!

If you noticed, commenters, I hope you didn’t think, “That bitch. My comments all of a sudden aren’t worthy for her stupid little blog, are they? I’ll show her. I’ll show her and her little dog too!” You can call off the hit men. You can stop crying yourself to sleep at night. I swear it was not intentional. I was very sad to see the comments and likes go because now those posts look like the runts of the litter. And some of the comments were gold. I believe one was, “Suck it, Trebek!” Hilarious! I’m so sorry! And whatever you do, please don’t delete me from Facebook!

Ok, whew. I feel better now. And I’m sure you do too.

Now that we have that out of the way, one poop story, comin’ up!



11 thoughts on “theVERYsingle housekeeping…

  1. I loved this Lauren. I solemnly promise that I will never delete you from Facebook. And whether you write about poop or not, I will continue to show up here. Oh maybe I should go respond to your comment on my blog, crap- is this the reason for this post?? 😉

    1. Haha no no Zyna, see that’s the thing…I didn’t even think twice or notice if you hadn’t responded because I didn’t think it was necessary! So I don’t know why I think other people would be mad if I didn’t respond. It’s a sickness, really, this self-centred thing. Thanks so much for the support!

  2. Lol. Oh dear lord above Lauren! This was my FAVOURITE post! I wanted to like so many spots in it like you were delivering a pep rally speech! Keep ’em coming!

  3. SHOOOOT ! I srsly just heard about, “Dunbar’s Number”, freaked out and deleted FOUR HUNDRED people off my list. FOUR HUNDRED ! As I was deleting them I literally thought to myself, ” I think I met this person four years ago at a party”. You made the cut though, does that count ?

    I needed to get to 150 (Dunbar’s #) I am still not there. And most are family.

    I still don’t feel bad. I had 620 friends on fb and on on my birthday about 20% wished me a happy one. I am standing by my convictions as well as my new way of life.

    1. I’m glad I made the cut! Who is this “Dunbar” and why does he/she have a number? Never heard of it…obviously, since I’m anti the purge hahaha

      Wow, 400??!! I don’t go to enough parties to have that many party people friends taking up space. Hehe

  4. I’ve only recently started blogging. I hadn’t considered there being an etiquette with regard to comments. I get so few people leaving a comment I tend to pounce on them when they do, follow them back to their blog, and leave comments there in the hope they will be so impressed by my wit they will return to visit me again. I suspect there may be a fine line here I am in danger of crossing. If I continue to leave comments on someone’s blog even though they don’t reply to those comments or leave a comment on my blog, does that mean I am stalking them ? 😯

    1. Yes. Yes, you are.

      Hahaha it’s nice of you to ask me this advice like I’m now a comment guru, but I’m probably not the best person to answer this question since I’m clearly crazy. But your etiquette seems proper to me! Try not to consider what that might say about you….

      Haha thanks for reading and commenting!

  5. I hope you never delete me from Facebook…I’m that awkward person that just posts pictures all the food I eat and bake, and pictures of my cat whom I love to death lol…

    1. HAHAHAHA you totally are! But don’t worry, I’ll keep you around. I’m not exactly in the position to be turning away friends…so I’ll tolerate you. Hehe

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