Ode to my one, true love

You know I’ve always been single, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have love interests. I’m pretty shy when it comes to sharing my feelings (but you have a blog and share WAY too much! you say. Yeah, I’m a complicated woman), so I usually keep most of my feelings bottled up inside. I figure, since it’s Valentine’s Day, what hurt could it possibly do to just let my feelings EXPLODE and let my one, true love know how I really feel? Here it goes!

(Wow, I can’t believe I’m doing this. EEEEEEEEE!!!)

Hey you. We’ve known each other for a really long time. You know who you are. I know this is coming out of left field and you probably won’t even have the capability to process it, but I just need to get it out there. You won’t respond. I understand.

You’ve seen me at my absolute best: Jumping up and down and squealing in delight when something goes my way. You are always there for my moment, and you let me have it.

You’ve seen me at my absolute worst: Crying hysterically over some of the depressing things you’ve said to me (you can be pretty intense, you know!). But somehow, I always manage to move past it when you change your tone. Sometimes, I hate myself for my devotion. I just can’t help but admire you, no matter what.

It’s funny to think about how much we’ve both changed in so many different ways since we first met. The most obvious way being physically–we’ve both grown, but while I’ve been, um, filling out my feminine physique, somehow you’ve managed to get progressively skinnier (jerk!). You look amazing. I can stare at you all day long.

Even though our relationship is platonic, I have to admit (and this is soooooooooooo embarrassing) that there are times when you turn me on.

I try to never turn you off. I know that you’ve had to watch me eat many times, and I’m sure it’s not a pretty sight. Remember that time I bit into a pickle and the juice exploded all over me and the couch?! I should have felt embarrassed about it, but I wasn’t! I didn’t even clean myself right away. It’s just that, in front of you, I can’t help but feel like no one is watching and that I can just be myself. Also, I know you can’t judge me since we both know I’ve seen you do waaaaaaaaaaaay grosser things…

Sometimes I push your buttons, but I know it actually turns you on–don’t deny it! It’s true!

Sorry for all the staring.

I love you. I’ve always loved you. I will love you until the day you die and I have to get a new you.


Happy Valentine’s Day!




Author’s Note:

I know I’ve done some cuckoo posts lately regarding my non-existent love life, but I think it’s HILARIOUS to be pretend to be crazy around Valentine’s Day. The holiday actually doesn’t really bother me. I’ve been single my whole life, so all I know about this holiday is that it’s the time of year for cinnamon hearts. What’s not to like?

Some of my friends and family have excitedly asked me lately, “So, WHO are you dating??!!” After I erupted in uninhibited, cackling laughter, I pointed out that both My Date with theVERYsinglegirl and Conversation Heart(s)ache were works of fiction. I thought I had included enough tip-off words in the introductions of both posts to hint that these stories were not real…but I get that it’s confusing that my blog, until recently, has been 100% true stories and then I go and throw a curve ball at you and all of a sudden switch from non-fiction to fiction. Blew your mind, I know. For the record, I’m single. Ooooohhhhhh, I’m single.

And, I need to get smarter friends and family.


8 thoughts on “Ode to my one, true love

  1. I feel your love. TVs just give give give and never take. Unless you count all those hours and days and weeks and months spent in front of them…. damn….

    1. Haha good call. Time well wasted, I say. I’m ok with it!

  2. This line is priceless: “I will love you until the day you die and I have to get a new you.”
    TOO funny. 🙂

    1. Thanks! That’s how all romances work, right?

  3. That was AWESOME! I totally thought you were talking about a person … until I read the last line and saw the picture!

    As I sit in front of my TV drinking wine …

    1. Hahahaha thanks Kayla! The wine may have had something to do with that…

  4. It IS hilarious to pretend to be crazy around Valentine’s Day! Or any day really…

    1. Couldn’t agree more! Hmmmm…could that be the problem?

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