I thought it was over…

Turns out, the neighbour note-leaving saga might not be completely over. Or, a new one has just begun.

This is my life.

As you may recall, I have had some, um, issues with my neighbour. If you need a refresher or are new to this saga, you can read about it in My neighbour (and my vacuum) can suck it! and My crazy neighbour leaves her last note…..because I killed her. Just kidding. But seriously, it’s an EPIC conclusion.

For the record, yes, I (obviously, jokingly, no-way-in-hell seriously) implied that I would have my neighbour evicted because her apology letter was technically one more note under my door after my landlord said he’ll evict her if she leaves one more note. I wasn’t being serious. Some people have asked me if I actually had her evicted. These people are idiots (don’t worry, I’m not talking about you).

But I will have you know, it’s been downright eerily quiet in my humble abode since my neighbour was put in her place. Almost too quiet. I didn’t realize how used to the regular banging throughout the day I had gotten. Stockholm syndrome, I’m telling you.

Since I last shared what I thought was the end of the saga with you, a couple of weird things related to said saga have happened.

1. I meet my Bizarro World doppelgänger

A few days after the saga “ended,” I was standing outside my building waiting for my friend to pick me up. While I waited, a car pulled up and out came a young woman my age and her mother. We exchanged pleasantries and they went into the building. I noted that she went down the stairs, meaning she is on the same floor as my neighbour below me, and thus, could very well be said neighbour, since I don’t actually know what she looks like.

A minute later, the young woman emerged back outside and called to me:

“Excuse me. You live in this building, right?”

“Yes I do….”

“I thought so. I just wanted to let you know, I’m not the person who lives under you.”

Huh? How do you know which apartment I’m in? How do you know I have issues with the person living under me? So many questions swirled through my head, until she said:

“I’m the person who lives NEXT TO the woman who lives under you.”

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. Yesssssssssssssss. It didn’t even occur to me that I wasn’t the only one suffering at the hands of the ceiling-banger/note-leaver!

She went on to explain that she also regularly gets notes under her door for being too “loud” in the middle of the day, and that instead of banging on the wall like she does on her ceiling to me, the neighbour actually talks to her THROUGH the wall. “I can hear you, you know…” Eeeeeek.

Also, she described the neighbour as “built.” Shit.

Turns out, my new comrade had complained to the landlord about the antics of our mutual neighbour one week before I complained. In addition to what my landlord had told me about prior issues, my situation must have been his breaking point. I told her what he told me about “one more note” and encouraged her to assume the same applies to her.

I still don’t know how she knew which apartment I lived in. I’m just going to assume she’s been introducing herself that way to everyone she meets in the building until she found me.

2. The opposite of leaving a note–stealing a note

You might remember that I placed the following note on my door almost a year ago after I slipped on a flyer on my floor and fell on my ass:

DSC00466

It has been up for almost a year (mostly as an inside joke to myself, and partly due to laziness) since the incident. You can see the visual re-enactment of said fall in Proof that mail, and the world, is out to get me.

Also, I get the irony that I complain about the notes that are left for me, but have no problem leaving them for other people. I’m a complicated woman.

Well.

The note…

IS GONE.

I came home from work one day last week, and it was gone. Vanished.

The suspects:

1. My landlord: Perhaps, in a building where an older gentleman smokes outside shirtless on a regular basis and another older gentleman sits and plays the ukulele on a plastic chair at the entrance every day, he thought my note was “de-classing” the joint. But he’s pretty laid back; after all, my lease was hand-written, barely legibly, on-the-spot on a crumbled, ripped piece of paper he pulled out of his pocket. I doubt he would take issue with my perfect penmanship on a perfectly cut piece of crisp, white paper. Plus, other tenants have those hideous “Welcome” signs.

2. My neighbour across the hall: This is another unlikely scenario in which I imagine that after a year, this neighbour has gotten fed up with looking at the note across the hall every day and snatched it.

3. Me: I keep questioning myself and trying to remember if I had in fact taken it off. I was planning on doing it soon, but I don’t remember actually doing it. I checked the place I keep such life souvenirs because I know I wouldn’t have thrown it out (in the event I become famous but then bankrupt and need to auction off items of worth, of course), but it’s not there.

4. Drunken hooligans: Maybe a group of party people thought it would be funny to rip the sign off on their way out to the bar. But, the note was not hastily or sloppily taken down, as there is no remnants of tape on my door. It was a carefully planned job not done on a whim.

5. The Mysterpranker or the Impostermysterpranker (if they aren’t one in the same): This is just too complicated to explain. Read Pranks! And an unsolved mystery…A mysterprank! and Update: The mysterprank goes global. FYI, both mysteries remain unsolved.

Since all of the above scenarios are highly unlikely, I have no choice but to assume it was…

6. My neighbour who lives below me: “Bitch tells me I can’t LEAVE any more notes, then I’ll just STEAL notes! That’ll show her!”

So I put up a new note:

photo

That’s right. How do you like me now?!

Ok.

I’ll come clean.

My dead friend didn’t write the note. And I don’t have a dead friend. I also didn’t actually leave that note up. I just wrote it for the purposes of this blog post, slapped it on the door, took a picture, then ripped it right off before the neighbours thought I was weird or something.

But wouldn’t that be AWESOME?

No, you say? Diabolical, psychotic, and clinically insane, you say? Oh.

I’ll just put it with the rest of my life souvenirs, like the fortune from a fortune cookie that reads, “You and your wife will be happy in life together.”

theVERYsinglegirl

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22 comments

  1. Don't Quote Lily

    This will sound so lame. but I was so excited when I saw this post in my email notifications…the note madness just couldn’t end! It’s too entertaining. 😀

    You totally should have left that note on the door. I think it’s amazeballs. Your life is too funny.

  2. Your neighbour down the hall

    I hope you don’t think all your neighbours are psychotic. I have issues with ppl living here too, but I deal with it to their face. Like the guy who lives above me. I’ve shown up at his door at 130am after him and his girlfriend fucked for the 30th time that month and I finally had enough. Also, the guy who plays guitar out front is a really nice man. And was famous in his day, I’m sure you’d enjoy a few of his stories. He lives below me, his name is [Joey]. Anyways, everyone in this building has a story. Even if they piss us off, and yes I have been upset too, if you talk to them they will listen.
    – [insert name here]. Apt [insert # here]

    • theVERYsinglegirl

      Oh my goodness! Is this actually true?! Am I sooooooo popular that news of my blog has gone full circle and landed literally close to home? Or am I going to embarrass myself when I knock on apt. [insert # here] tonight to verify? Because you know I will. Given my past experience with jokers, you must understand I can’t trust anyone on this internet thingy.

      In case this actually is my neighbour, and not an elaborate prank, I’d like to state that nope, I don’t think all the neighbours are crazy! Just her! Everyone else I’ve met has been lovely (and if you really are [insert name here], I believe you let me into the laundry room when I locked myself out once. So you rock!) I tried to talk to her in person, and so did her neighbour beside her, but she doesn’t answer her door. Didn’t mean to paint a brush over the whole building…I mean, I live there, so clearly it has class. Haha.

      Sorry to hear of the fucking upstairs. Good for you for standing up to them! (Again, I mean this only if you are actually my neighbour and not a jokester.)

      This is my life.

      • another person in the building

        Thank you [insert name here] in [insert # here] for sticking up for [Joey]… He is a very kind man and I was sad to see him described as the “fat old man who sits on the porch and plays his banjo”… How do you think he would feel hearing someone describe him like that?
        I also don’t think your neighbours would appreciate their conversations & notes (good or bad) being quoted and shared on your blog

        • theVERYsinglegirl

          Awwwwww man. That’s not even a direct quote. I have never meant any disrespect to anyone in the building. It was just a short, off-the-cuff anecdote to demonstrate that I don’t live in the ritz, where such public musical endeavours might not be tolerated. You’re right, he’s great! I listen to him all the time! Meant no personal disrespect (to you?).

          I’m around tonight and I’d love to chat in person. Show I’m really not some asshole. Because, as [insert name here] said, it’s best to speak in person before jumping to conclusions. Now I’m just getting note bombed in a different way! Ahhhhh! It never ends! Haha

          Talk soon.

  3. Bailee

    I so heart this note saga =) I’m ashamed to admit that I came home to a note on my door just last week: “Just letting you know that your cat sits at the door and meows constantly while you are out.” I was *horrified*, I was the horrible noisy neighbour! I promptly bought a pet gate, sat my cat down for a stern talking-to, put up my own note profusely apologizing, and got a lovely handwritten “Thanks!” left on it. Not nearly as epic, but when I came home and saw that little square of paper stuck to my door handle, I immediately thought of your crazy neighbour!!

    • theVERYsinglegirl

      HAHAHAHA awwwwwwwww Bailee! At least you know your cat misses you when you’re gone. How sweet. Though I would argue there isn’t much you can do about a meowing cat–if a building allows pets, that’s the risk you take. So I’m surprised your neighbour would even say anything. Well, not surprised…But you’re going above and beyond with the gate! I hope that solves the issue for you! Nothing is worse than knowing you’re pissing people off when you can’t help it. Trust me I KNOW.

  4. lillianccc

    I have to agree with Lily, I got really excited to see the title of your post in my inbox. 😀 We’re suckers for real-life entertainment. Anyways, this latest episode might just take the cake in this whole saga. I’d be inclined to suggest that a windy draft or something might just have blown it off the door but a note-stealer is just more exciting.

  5. A neighbour on the 3rd floor

    I don’t think your blog has become all that famous. I was on Facebook and I noticed a friend of mine had “liked” your blog. Apparently we have a mutual friend, and it came up in my newsfeed. I was intrigued so I clicked on it and read a few posts. It did not take long for me to realize you live in my building. First off, [Joey] is well known in our area. The description of him was obvious enough. Then there’s that note you have (had) on your door. Can’t miss that one. I recognized it immediately.
    You definitely are sharing a lot of personal notes and conversations.
    Maybe stop blogging about notes, and go out on the town!! You won’t be single for long if you’re out meeting people!!

    • theVERYsinglegirl

      Hahahaha I love this! Trust me, I have no illusions of grandeur. I was being sarcastic about my popularity. It’s a dinky little blog. I know it was a coincidence. A very lucky coincidence for me, clearly. I can’t wait to blog about this. JUST KIDDING. I better watch out for the torches and pitchforks around here….I love that a one sentence anecdote (misquoted and made mean in the other neighbour’s comment by the way) on my silly little blog has been perceived as a vicious slight against a beloved musical building dweller, who I also happen to enjoy. What a soap opera! I’m such a menace to society!

      Thanks for the tip though! Seriously, that was a good burn and I laughed out loud. But just for the record, I’ve done 65 posts and only like 3 have anything to do with my neighbour’s notes to me. Not sure how that helps my cause.

      Wait a minute! Speaking of soap opera… If you’re on the third floor, then you must be the person fucking too loud above [insert name here]’s apartment! Hehe. Just kidding. Please don’t kill me in my sleep.

      Did you take my note?

  6. Pingback: I moved. Here’s why. | theVERYsinglegirl
  7. Anonymous

    I love reading these posts for the sheer entertainment factor!
    I’d also like to say that your audience isn’t limited to little old London, Ontario, I’m reading this from big old London, England!
    Worldwide domination is imminent!

  8. hacken2013

    Those people in your building SERIOUSLY need more interesting lives if they see your blog, take the time to post, yet cannot see the merit in actually becoming friends with someone as lighthearted and funny as you, and actually defend themselves anonymously on a blog about a building no one else in this world shivs a get about, beyond you!

    Dear Said Goofballs…have you ever heard of the merit of blogging elaborately for the sake of entertainment? No? You think all autobiographies published are straight, 100% true? Movies made of such books aren’t embellished at all to make things sound more entertaining to the general public? Appreciate the value of a colorful written entry for the sake of a smile?

    Get over yourselves. The human race begs of you.

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