My last day at my current job is tomorrow. No, believe it or not, I wasn’t fired for accidental nudity. A less likely scenario has played out–someplace else wants to hire me! So, I’m leaving higher education and entering the corporate world. Watch out.
So I was thinking, how funny would it be to purposely leave sketchy questions in the Google search bar for my replacement to find?!
Not funny? Weird? Oh.
Don’t worry, I’ve already wiped all my search bars at work clean from my usual incriminating searches like, “When is the Survivor season premiere?” Now I have a clean slate calling my name. Take advantage of me, Lauren! Fill me with your filth, Lauren!
The clean slate has a dirty mind.
Anyway, these are my ideas of what a new person would LOVE to find as they get comfy in my former space:
Once you’ve licked your keyboard clean, how do you keep it clean? More licking?
How much is too much gum under a desk?
If you continuously fart into a filing cabinet, how long before the files start to smell?
How much uneaten lunch can be stored in an office ceiling before it comes crashing down?
How to have sex with a stapler in a pinch….without the pinch
Do pencils absorb bum sweat?
How to booby trap your former office for your replacement
How to hide stains in your office from a black light test
Is it socially acceptable to use a pencil cup as a spit jar?
Where is the best place to conceal a dead body in your office?
What are the best office supplies for itching a rash?
It’s ok to eat erasers, right?
What office drawer is best for concealing barfed up erasers?
How much is too much snot under an office chair?
Is it weird to ask your colleagues to contribute to your office ear wax collection spot?
How to use your office chair as an emergency toilet