Category: theVERYsingle formative years

I’m giving my troubles to a MONKEY on a ROCK, or Farewell Dave

Ok Paul, open the thing.

Here it is, folks. Tonight’s top ten list:

The Top Ten Ways I’ll Get Over the Loss of the Late Show with David Letterman Continue reading

Elevators really push my buttons

Yup. Went there.

Ok, so the elevator is inherently awkward. Confined space. Strangers. Smells. Standing. Germs on the buttons. Mirrors, sometimes. Security camera, sometimes. You automatically submit yourself to the fact that if it gets stuck, you will have to help deliver a baby. It’s all bad. Continue reading

I am so smart! S-M-R-T!

It’s the winter exam period now at the university, and seeing all these nervous students racing around the campus not only makes me think, “Hehehe, sucks to be you, suckers,” but also reminds me of my own “ohhhhhh shiiiiiiit” exam experience.

I have always gotten good grades in school, but trust me, I’m not smart. “But I remember her spending all her lunches in the library like a nerd smart kid!,” my high school comrades might be thinking. Muahahahahahahaha, I tricked you! It was all a facade…and not at all due to a secret fear of somehow spilling or spraying my food on a cool kid (you’ve seen my luck with pickles) and dealing with what would have been an end-of-the-world travesty. It was all a facade…Yes, let’s go with that. Continue reading

Pranks! And an unsolved mystery…a mysterprank!

I freaking love pranks. Pranking is hilarious (not to be confused with planking…that’s unfortunately not trending anymore. Or so people keep telling me when they find me laying face down on the couch). Carefully planning schemes to induce frustration and/or embarrassment and/or physical pain to another person is never not funny. Here are three of my most memorable pranks: Continue reading

Pachelbel’s Canon

A couple of weeks ago at her bachelorette, a very dear friend of mine announced that she would be walking down the aisle to Pachelbel’s Canon at her wedding. I oooooo’d and awwwww’d along with the other girls but meanwhile, fought to hide a multitude of facial contortions, twitches, and ticks. I felt it would be in poor taste to tell her that I despise the song–for good reason.

Her wedding this past weekend was beautiful. When she came down the aisle I was so overwhelmed with how breathtaking she looked that my feeling toward the serenading musical score was the furthest thing from my mind. Well, it was pretty far from my mind. Ok, it was in my mind, but not at the forefront. Fine, it was in my mind, not at the forefront, but close enough for me to notice. Actually, I didn’t think of it at all because that would be self-centred…

I bet you’re thinking I don’t like it because I’m single and cynical and it’s music that’s most associated with weddings and I’m bitter and jaded.

I wish that was the case. Continue reading

Have you ever…

…called all the Esso stations in your city to find out if they sell slushies at that location, and if so, what flavours?

…slipped on ice and fell flat on your back in the middle of the street at 3am while carrying a slice of pizza which landed face down a few feet away, rescued the pizza, and still ate it when you got home after dusting off most of the snow and pebbles? Continue reading

“The Grass is Slippery”

High school was kind of terrifying to me. I had a good grip on grade eight (student council president, valedictorian–sorry if this intimidates you, but I was a really big deal) but in high school I never really felt comfortable in my own skin. I apologize for the cliché “if I only knew then what I knew now” bit, but I just need to say I would have done a few things differently: Continue reading