Sometimes I fancy myself a detective. For example, as you might recall, if you leave an anonymous, ominous note on my car, I’ll hunt you down and make you beg for mercy. I can’t leave things unsolved. Look here, see, there’s an answer for everything and I’ll stop at nothing to find it, see. Continue reading
In a past post (I moved. Here’s why.), I alluded to a very disturbing event that happened to me amid the moving chaos (you know, that time when several neighbours found my blog and ganged up on me cyber-style not simply for posting the crazy notes from my neighbour online, but more for merely mentioning the beloved building troubadour in an insignificant anecdote, so I moved). I said it was a story for another day. Today is that day!
Oh, hi! I didn’t see you there. Thanks for coming. It’s been a while. Did you miss me? I missed you. Here’s a recap of the fun we missed together during our time apart:
- My Christmas hams healed nicely. Thank you for your concern.
- My boob bruise also healed nicely. Thank you for your concern. Continue reading
Turns out, the neighbour note-leaving saga might not be completely over. Or, a new one has just begun.
This is my life.
As you may recall, I have had some, um, issues with my neighbour. If you need a refresher or are new to this saga, you can read about it in My neighbour (and my vacuum) can suck it! and My crazy neighbour leaves her last note…..because I killed her. Just kidding. But seriously, it’s an EPIC conclusion.
For the record, yes, I (obviously, jokingly, no-way-in-hell seriously) implied that I would have my neighbour evicted because her apology letter was technically one more note under my door after my landlord said he’ll evict her if she leaves one more note. I wasn’t being serious. Some people have asked me if I actually had her evicted. These people are idiots (don’t worry, I’m not talking about you).
But I will have you know, it’s been downright eerily quiet in my humble abode since my neighbour was put in her place. Almost too quiet. I didn’t realize how used to the regular banging throughout the day I had gotten. Stockholm syndrome, I’m telling you.
First, I’d like you to read the disclaimer I added to the bottom of my last post, WTF:
It has since been brought to my attention by a couple of my compassionate, church-going friends that perhaps this person came straight from a food bank. Ok, it’s possible. I think this goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway: It is not my intention to make fun of anyone for being less fortunate. Whatever he is, he took out a BAG of MILK in public and sucked it dry. Next to ME of all people. THAT is what’s funny, regardless of his situation. So I apologize if anyone was offended by this post.
A BAG of MILK.
Ok, now we can move on to more important things, like how my ceiling banging, note-leaving neighbour met her match and now has to live her life in fear of ME. LITTLE OL’ ME. *strums fingers like Mr. Burns* Continue reading
My car is a silver 2001 Ford Taurus. When my dad graciously
offered agreed to get me a car during my second year of university, I was just so thrilled and grateful that I didn’t care what kind of car. One day, he took me to a Ford dealership where a shiny used Taurus awaited us in the lot. It was actually the first car I ever drove since my family loves minivans. Getting into this teeny little car was life-changing. It was so small and compact! The salesman must have never seen a 20-year-old’s eyes light up at the sight of a Taurus. It was an easy sell. We my dad purchased it in 2005, and I promised to make monthly payments to pay him back. As a student living away from home and working part-time at a floundering gift shop in the mall, I had over-estimated my budgeting skills. I kinda sorta stopped making payments to him after the first couple…..but shhhhhhhh! Don’t remind him!
In retrospect, I probably could have gotten something cooler. My dad must have been strumming his fingers like Mr. Burns and thinking “excellent” to put his daughter in a giant, safe, grandpa car. But you know what? It has grown on me. I am now proud to say that I drive a Taurus. It’s unique! How many people under 70 do you know who drives one? I’m special. Continue reading
This might just be a coincidence.
It probably is.
OR, I have developed a reputation in my apartment building.
I arrived home from work last night to another note. Continue reading